The Question

            “You all right, Jake?” asked Sarah as the two sat down for dinner. Jake nodded, flashing Sarah a reassuring smile in attempts to keep her unawares. Jake was not “all right,” though. While he flipped through the menu, his right hand was busy trembling in his pocket. Every few minutes he would dig deeper within the pocket to make sure the little velvet box was still there – it always was. 

            After their food arrived, Sarah and Jake entered two entirely different worlds. Sarah was ignorant of this separation, and she went on talking as if it was one of their typical Wednesday date nights. She spoke of subjects here and there; from the office, to potential ice cream eateries they could visit for dessert.  Jake engaged when necessary, but in the meantime was at war with himself. As he looked into her blue eyes, he was met with self-doubt. Was this too early? Would this scare her off? Surely not, he silently prayed, not entirely sure whether he believed.

            The round of champagne that he ordered while reserving their table arrived, ripping him away from his internal struggle. It was now or never, and Jake chose now. He took Sarah’s hands in his own, and began to speak.

            “Sarah,” he began with a soft voice, “this past year has been one of the best of my life, and I owe it to you.” Sarah smiled back at him, but shifted uncomfortably. Jake continued on. “I love you so much, and I think it’s time for us to take the next step.” With a trembling hand, he produced the box from his pocket and held it out. Sarah’s face resembled a mix between surprise and terror, which did not quell Jake’s nerves. With no way back now, he opened the box to reveal a flash of silver. Sarah squealed, and her face brightened instantly. “How about Max?” asked a relieved Jake, as she pulled the collar from the box. Sarah, a tad speechless, gave a quick nod and beamed at Jake.

Contentment

I'm really excited about this post. It seems like every time I have ever decided to sit down and write something, on here or in general, it's because I'm sad/angsty.

But not today!
I am in a great mood, and had a desire to make a new post.

When I got home from my early morning shift at work, I took a moment to relax in my hammock on the porch. I breathed a big sigh when I was settled - one of those sighs of contentment - and reflected on how nice a day it is outside and how glad I am that I can just sit and enjoy it.

While I sat, I thought about how the smallest decisions can affect your life in grand ways. In particular, I remembered an argument I had with a friend last year that eventually led to me deciding not to seek an apartment with them, and how that set the chain reaction that landed me in my home on Forest Park. I thought about the house in which I've lived, with people who started as roommates and ended as terrific friends, and came to the conclusion that I am very glad that these events played out as they did. I do not mean that to slight the aforementioned friends that I didn't end up living with, as I still regard them as great friends as well. Rather, I just believe that living in this house instead served me far better in figuring out what I like doing, and who I want to be.

I am so thankful for the roommates I've had this year, and how, when I've hesitated, they've nudged me into trying out new activities that I've grown to love. If you had told me this time last year that I would be far more 'outdoorsy' and spend most of my free time at the rock wall or going kayaking, I might have laughed. And yet here I am, doing both and loving the hell out of them.

I love to go to the wall and climb for hours. It makes me feel active, it's super rewarding to feel myself improving, and the people involved in it are terrific.

However, while the wall is great fun, the true thrill for me now is kayaking. I fucking love kayaking. I am forever grateful that I was able to have Becca around always super stoked about boating and persistent enough to get me to try it out. I loved it from the start. Even at the first pool roll session we went to, where after two hours I couldn't quite get a roll down, something just felt right about being in the boat. This was confirmed during spring break when we took a trip to Tennessee and I got my first taste of being on an actual river. Despite it being a difficult river to start out on, and having to swim during part of the run, I was still ecstatic the entire time. As we continue to take trips to different rivers and improve at paddling, that feeling remains. There is something about being on the river that is inexplicably sublime. The excitement starts with that soft 'pop' when securing the spray skirt. The true joy, though, comes from that moment when you first slide off the ground and into the river. During that first moment when you are no longer resting on the ground, and instead are floating, everything fades away. Any troubles, concerns, or misgivings evaporate - it's just you and the river after that. It leaves you with a feeing of contentment and gives you spectacular sights of the surrounding area that you could only see from down in the river. I've improved greatly since that first roll session, but I still have plenty to learn and experience - a prospect that truly excites me.

And so as I sat here today on this porch, enjoying the sunshine, I came to a satisfactory realization. I have managed to find contentment in my life, without having to depend on other people, for the first time in a long time. As I prepare to return home for a few weeks, I am excited to share this contentment with my family and just enjoy spending some overdue family time with them.

My dad used to have a magnet on our fridge that read "Rule 1: Don't sweat the small stuff. Rule 2: It's all small stuff." I used to read it all the time when I was younger but never really paid it much attention. Now, though, it makes quite a bit of sense. Even if something goes wrong, or I hit a bump in life, I know that I'll be fine. I've got a loving family, great friends, a job that I actually enjoy, and can do what makes me happy. It's a nice thing to know.